This is how each language would manage to rescue the princess from the hands of the dragon
- Java - Gets there, finds the dragon, develops a
framework for dragon anihilation with multiple layers, writes several
articles about the framework… But doesn't kill the dragon. - .NET - Gets there, sees the idea of the Java developer and copies it. Tries to kill the dragon, but the monster eats him.
C - Arrives, looks down at the dragon, pulls out
his sword, beheads the dragon, finds the princess… And ignores her to
see the last checkins of linux kernel cvs.- C++ - Creates a basic needle, and gathers
funcionality until he has a complex sword that he can barely understand…
He kills the dragon, but gets stuck crossing the bridge because
of memory leaks. - COBOL - Arrives, sees the dragon and thinks that he is too old to kill a monster that big and rescuing the princess, so he leaves.
- Pascal - He prepares for 10 years to create a
dragon anihilation system… When the moment comes, he discovers the
program can only take lizards as an entry. - VB - Builds a dragon destruction weapon based on
several components, jumps to the back of the dragon and in the most
critical time he discovers that the sword works only on rainy nights… - PL/SQL - Gets data from other dragon slayers,
creates tables with n ternary complexity relations, tridimensional
data, OLAP, takes 15 years to process the information… And by then, the
princess became a lesbian. - Ruby - Arrives with massive fame, saying he is the
best at anything and when he faces the dragon, he shows a lame motion
picture of himself killing a dragon… The dragon eats him out of boredom. - Smalltalk - Arrives, analyzes the dragon and princess, turns around and leaves, they are way too inferior.
shell - Creates a very powerful dragon slaying weapon… But in the moment of truth, he can't remember how to use it.- shell(2)- The guy approaches the dragon with a two
line script that kills, cuts, disembowels, impales, chops to pieces and
packs the beast, but when he runs it the script grows, it fattens,
irritates and puts alcohol in the fire of the dragon… - Assembler - He thinks he's doing the right and
most efficient things… But he writes an A instead of a D and kills the
princess to end up f***ing the dragon. - Fortran - Arrives and develops a
45-thousand-code-line-solution, kills the dragon, meets the princess…
But she calls him a weakling and runs after the Java programmer who was
elegant, and also rich. - FOX PRO - Develops a dragon killing system. It's
gorgeous and works on the outside, but it's really patched inside, so
when he runs the dragon anihilator, he realizes he forgot to index the
DBFs. - PROCESS ANALYST - Approaches the dragon with two
tons of documentation, develops the unified dragon-killing process,
he develops a DFD to free the princess and marry her, convinces the
dragon that it's the best for him and it won't hurt. When he executes
the process, he estimates the effort and the damage he will cause with
a plan signed by the Pope, Buddha and Michael Jackson. Then he buys a
couple of nukes, 45 cannons, an aircraft carrier and hires 300 heavily
armed men… When all he needed was the sword he was holding in his hand
in the beginning… - CLIPPER: Sets up a routine that loads a codeblock
array to insult the dragon, serenade the princess, load the sword in
memory, beat the crap out of the dragon, clean the mess, prepare a
raspberry milkshake for the princess, make love to her, take a bath,
start the car, put it some gas and come back home. When he runs it, he
gets a "Bound Error: Array Access" and the dragon eats him with fries. - Lisp, where the famous knight-errant, after
speaking with numerous experts in dragon-killing, and modeling the
knowledge they posess, he programs the system, and when he runs it he
realizes he forgot a bracket (bender the offender). - HTML: Mounts a web on famous swords used to kill
dragons, but he ignores the W3C standards. When he meets the dragon, he
finds out the code isn't compatible with his browser, so he's left
swordless. The dragon eats him as an appetizer. - Prolog: Thinks he needs a weapon to kill the
dragon. Searches in a catalog for 182014 weapons. By the time the
princess dies of her age, he's achieved to know how to make every
weapon starting with A: Atomic Bombs, Anti-Air Weapons, Arches,
Ammunition, Axes... - PHP: Creates a web page that when he executes it
would eliminate the $dragon selecting from a weapons databese in MySQL
over an Apache server. Nevertheless he forgot the WHERE in the DELETE
query and kills the princess, the dragon, the peasants, the witch, the
sorceror and the programmer himself. - JavaScript: The programmer tries to kill the
great green dragon that spits fire throug his mouth. He creates a
script that will delete the dragon when he loads a webpage, to create
seconds after, some damsels to throw him flowers and make clapping
sounds. Unfortunately he didn't take into account the DOM structure of
the lizard, also known as Mozilla, and the only thing he gets is to
fill his console of errors and that the Book of Mozilla tells how he
was devoured. - ActiveX: The programmers create a tunnel to enter
the dragon's lair from the castle and run a program that will kil the
dragon from a safe and prudential distance. The dragon discovers the
tunnel, eats the workers who dug, the dragon slayers, and enslaves
every servant in the castle. The castle becomes a dragon-breeding
place, full of little dragons that the dragon sends in pop-ups to other
castles. The untasty remains of the knights are put in cans of Spam and
sent to other castles as well as a warning. (aquelquesiente) - Basic. He creates a weapon able to kill paper
dragons, but no matter how they improve it, they discover it's not good
enough to kill any dragon bigger than a baby poodle. - Matlab: They create a loop that calculates the
trajectories to shoot a giant arrow at the dragon. The program works
flawlessly. What they need now are the voluntaries caoable to launch
tha arrow with the necessary strength and accuracy. - Videogame Programmer : Spends two years programming
a state-of-the-art sword with shaders and all. When the time comes to
kill the dragon, he finds that half the knights aren't strong enough to
raise the sword. Then someone programs a patch that reveals the sex
scenes with the princess and Hillary Clinton makes it a scandal.
Jajajaja 0___0
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